SurvivorIs incredible. There are so many reasons to love this show, and this latest episode basically had them all. Seriously, if you had to make one upSurvivorThe shopping list with all the things you wanted to collect would look like this:
Awesome spearfishing scene of a guy catching a fucking octopus. (Verify!)
The guy at the bottom of the alliance finds a hidden immunity idol to possibly save himself in the game. (Verify!)
A medical intervention, but in which no one is actually taken out of the game. (Verify!)
OrangeSurvivorbaseball cap. (Verify!)
A challenge indeednoWater. (Verify!)
A thrilling upset victory in the immunity challenge. (Verify!)
Competitors may not break small branches or open coconuts. (Check and check!)
A couple was caught sucking each other's faces on a night vision camera. (Verify!)
The presenter who worries someone may have disappeared on the way to the polls. (Verify!)
Jeff Probst dropping cardboard on the floor and kicking off the latest island invasion with some hardcore pop-and-lock action. (Okay, I can't have them all.)
Even without the last icing, this episode basically hit all the bases. But none of that was the best part. The best part was watching a woman with virtually no help from her get four votes of her own…and completely changing the game for the Millennial tribe in the process. If I wasn't too lazy to stand up, I'd be getting up right now and playing the most dramatic slow beat of all time, outside, maybe,Rudy,cool racing, mimisterio, alaska, that is - for Michelle. What she did was super impressive turning what seemed like a sure vote for Figgy into one for Mari, with even one vote to spare.
Once a resigned and defeatist Jay showed up and told Michelle that the tribe was going to disown Figgy, she could have done one of two things. She could have jumped on board with most to save face and not be seen as opposition (hey, if you can't beat them, join them) or she could have taken a bolder, long-term look at the game and fought to save to a core member of the alliance who would give his side the breakthrough numbers. She chose the latter, explained to Jay why the numbers mattered (why do I get the feeling that math makes Jay's head hurt?), and then she hatched a plan to make it happen.
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They got Michaela on board, stretching the truth to say that she was the next to go after Figgy into voting to keep a person he clearly despises, and then had Will go against his better instincts as well. That gave them the most, but Michelle wasn't done yet. She wanted to block an insurance vote in case Michaela, who was in the process of publicly criticizing and firing Figgy yet again, changed course, so she began whispering sweet words to Hannah. And she did it at Tribal Council.
“I'm going to vote for Mari,” she whispered to Hannah, and when Hannah asked what the hell she was talking about, Michelle responded like this: “She had a reason. I'll tell you later. I promise that?!Shall I tell you later? After the vote? Well, that's not convenient!When Hannah lightly pressed her, Michelle once again responded, “Please trust me. I'll tell you later, not now.Not now? WHY NOT NOW?! So it's after the vote! That is absurd! No way does a superfan like Hannah fall for this nonsense!
She just did it. The woman who desperately wanted to take down Kappa KappaSurvivorit has just been absolutely played. Think about it: Hannah changed her vote based on absolutely no evidence of anything. And her only attempt to sniff out the truth from her was to ask…Michelle's best ally!That's right, he asked another Kappa Kappa member.Survivorto verify Michelle's false claim. what youthinkI was gonna say?!
I honestly can't believe he fell for the "I'll tell you later" part. Now, the vote didn't matter, Mari would have gone home anyway, but it wasn't a good strategy for my choice of Episode 1 to win it all. Is it too late to change my selection? (Hey, at least I didn't choose Mari, that she wasreallyconsidering.) But then again, give up Michelle. He showed some serious game in doing this, and in the process completely shattered my dreams of a new weirder and nerdier millennial tribe. Last week, it was all about Mari, Hannah, and Zeke. Now one of them is gone, the second has just been defeated, and the third has just been screwed. But my respect for a great game trumps all of that, and Michelle earned my respect in this episode.
NEXT: Ken Dinner And An Alliance Partner
Either way, it was a great installment from top to bottom, so let's move on to the rest of what happened in Episode 2. We started off at Generation X Beach. "Right now, I think I'm playing a miserable game," says David, who is playing a miserable game. "I'm more of a Cochran than an Ozzy," he says, to which Cochran looks up from his Domino's pizza order and yells "Hey, don't get me mixed up with you, man!" from your sofa. (Also, judging by the way he once again struggles to break a piece of wood, David seems to be more of a Fishbach than anything else.)
But David is starting to turn things around. First, he makes fire! Okay, it was flint and everyone who plays should know how to shoot flint, but still, let's hit the guy. So his idol search pays off when he finds a coconut with a strange marking and opens it to find the game's first hidden immunity idol. Could things be changing for David? At the very least, it's a move in the right direction. Hell, I was surprised to see that Nervous resident Nellie wasn't the first member of her tribe to suffer a suspected heart attack.
Meanwhile, in Millennial Beach, Taylor tells us how "super radical" Figgy is. And she's right, shehe mustbe super nice if she's dating a guy who hasn't showered or brushed his teeth in five days. Or super not worrying about personal hygiene. I'm with Michaela on this: why anyone would want to trade spit when her face smells like a toilet is beyond me.
For his part, Figgy thinks "no one cares" about his showmanship with Taylor. Figgy is wrong. Michaela is upset, Zeke is incredulous, and even Jay calls them "stupid" because "no couple lasts."Survivor. Always!" Yeah, tell 'em, Jay! No couple lastedSurvivor. And also... Wait, wait... Sorry about that, mySurvivor: All StarsThe DVD fell off the shelf for some reason. That was weird. (And yes, I have shelves full of DVDs. And VHS tapes, if you want to know. I AM A GENERATION XER, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME?!)
Jay is also upset that the women are seemingly bad bitches who blind you; The next thing you know, you're stuck with a bitch who makes you lose bowling night. Bowling night? Do Millennials go bowling at night? That's one thing: sitting there drinking Coors Light while playing 7-10 splits and complaining about your "old ladies" back home? Or is bowling night just about watching modern bowling movies likeAbout Big Lebowskimibig boss? Personally my night of bowling is watching this clip over and over again:
What does "Who do you think you are?" I am!" really? This is the kind of thing that keeps me up at night. (That and my broken DVD shelves). Let's go back to the Gen X tribe, because something really "super radical" is going on. Look, I am a huge strategy nerd. I am obsessed with the right and wrong move at the right and wrong times. I get really excited about great gameplay (see the intro above on Michelle) and get very frustrated with dumb decisions (see the intro above about Hannah).
But I also love the adventure and aspect of the show.Survivoradded a whole new dimension when it went to HD with theGabonseason, and going to a place like Fiji makes perfectSurvivorthe best showTo watchthrough network television. Every week there is a scene that amazes me, and this week that scene was Ken fishing for an octopus.
For me, the definitive octopus scene in pop culture history is the live consumption scene of the original.ancientor anything involving that adorableHanna-Barbera malandro Calamardo Diddly, only because he apparently played saxophone and guitar at the same time. But damn, this was an amazing photo of theSurvivorcamera department and a good score from Ken. But Ken didn't end up proverbially figuring things out, because the next thing you know David wants to strike up an alliance and show him his idol, by the way, that's not an understatement.
NEXT: PaginationSurvivordoctor…
David and Ken want to be on “Paul's Posse,” which I'd swear is also the name of a local cable-access hip-hop show from the late '80s, but maybe I'm a bit wrong. Either way, they quickly attract their partner CeCe. It's unclear if the three of them had time to build a voodoo doll of Paul, but the next thing we know, the big guy is shaking, slumped on the floor and complaining that his hands are numb. He looks scary. Also creepy is the fact that this doesn't happen in a challenge, where the medical staff are only a few feet away, but in the tribe's camp.
In someSurvivorlocations, the tribe's beaches are on the same island as the base camp. Fiji is not one of those places. I was there in season 34 and if my memory serves me correctly the tribe's beaches are a 30 minute to an hour boat ride from the base camp. (Mind you, my memory is terrible and it's easy to lose track of time when you're trying like hell not to vomit in the sea, but make sure they're not around.) So when Paul fell, Dr. Joe ran to help him. That's why we see a very unusual sight: a producer from a tribal camp actually coming out from behind the camera to deal with the situation until medics can arrive on scene.
After rallying the rest of the tribe to give them space, the producer takes Paul's pulse and tries to keep his cool. then dr Joe and Probst appear, wearing an orange hat, no less, and Joe informs the host that Paul "could have had a little heart attack." A minor heart attack? Dammit! I've said it before and I'll say it again -Survivorhas beenextremelylucky to never have a dead player in the game. With the sheer volume of competitors subjected to such difficult conditions, one would assume that the law of averages would dictate that at least someone might not make it out alive at some point.
A French version ofSurvivornot so lucky Three years ago, a 25-year-old competitor suffered a heart attack and died in Cambodia, in exactly the same place.Survivorfilmed last year when three people were medically evacuated, including one, Caleb Reynolds, who was perhaps the closest call on the show. As I said, the show was lucky, and lucky again here, as medical tests revealed no heart damage (Paul was only suffering from heat exhaustion and dehydration). Which, by the way, may not sound like a big deal, but it is, just not as big a deal as a heart attack. Good news for him, good news for the show, and bad news for David, who admits to thinking when Paul fell that "this could be a good thing for me."
People will no doubt criticize David for this comment, but not me. If you think you're next out, and the person you think is leading the charge to take you out suddenly seems like they could take your place, possibly keeping them in the game, then it's only natural which part of you sees the silver lining in this. All David did was admit what almost anyone in his position would feel, but he was too afraid to say. He wasn't bragging about how happy he was, Paul had a major medical scare. He simply acknowledged that he came up with the idea that removing Paul would probably benefit him in the game. I would have done the same. Now, sure, I'm a terrible person, but then again, aren't most of us?
So the immunity challenge is over, let's see how Paul will fare in some very physical competition. And an amazing one. I mean, he just looks at that water. WATCH THIS! Beautifull. This is what makes a location in the South Pacific so preferable to a place like Nicaragua. Yes, I am a #SurvivorLocationSnob. There are no two ways to do it. Either way, this challenge requires teams to dive into the water one at a time, climb onto a cargo net, and jump over the chasm while catching a key in midair. Once all five keys are recovered, they are used to open a chest containing a mask, which is used to dive down to obtain five rings that need to be thrown at five targets. The winners get immunity and a tarp, why not?
NEXT: All The Reasons This Challenge Was Awesome
I love this challenge. I love the action! I love the landscape! I love Chris who almost lost his shorts! I love that David has enough time on the platform to see a double feature of Michael Cimino fromthe heaven's Doormithe deer Hunterbefore working up the courage to jump...and then not being able to swim...and then not being able to find where to put the key. I love CeCe diving into the water to get the first and easiest ring and having to go back without it to no avail. I love that Ken is a boss and works together to reach generation X. I was afraid that he would repeat himself.Nicaraguawhen the Old Fogeys tribe was soundly beaten by the Young Whippersnappers in every contest. I love that CeCe gets two rings on the objectives to give leadership to his tribe because I believe in redemption. I love the loss of the Millennials, just to see how things are going to change strategically over there. And I love when Paul exclaims “Dr. Joe brought that old pirate back from the dead, baby! because i'm not sure if this is completely accurate and i really don't care and now i wonder why i looked so muchmaster pirateand if someone really opened the elusive "Zanzibar Chest". I love all this. (By the way,master pirate— not available on CBS All Access. Just putting it there.)
When we go to break, Mari tells us all about how they're going to launch a surprise attack on Figgy... which, of course, means Figgy is safe. Zeke then continues on to Jinxathon 2016 and tells us how happy he is to be going to Tribal Council because "I came here to vote people out and I want to get started." Does it ever go well?somebodyproclaiming how much they hope to go to Tribal Council? It's like the second that comes out of your mouth in an interview with a producer, theSurvivorthe gods immediately conspire against you.
Of course, we all know what happens next. We know because I already recap at the beginning of this recap. I have to say, I found it a bit odd when Will compared Figgy to Cochran and Parvati, because he's nothing like any of the previous winners. I also felt sad for Mari for standing up for Hannah's whisper, just as Hannah was being tricked into rejecting her. "Whatever he's talking about right now, it's probably about dogs or butts or something," Mari said calmly, cool and collected. Oh, why couldn't they have been butts?!
And are we to infer from that comment that Hannah has been engaging in an unholy amount of "chat" at camp? And what kind of shit, exactly, are we looking at here? she is talking about herterass, someonefrom someone elseass, or rather, engage in social discourse by comparing and contrasting the two preeminent ass songs of our generation: Sir Mix-a-Lot's "Baby Got Back" and EU? I realize Sir Mix-a-Lot would seem like the clear and easy winner with such a low bid, but in defense of the EU, they wrote the lyric "when you master it, get your backfield moving" so please, do not do it. Don't write them off entirely on the subject of putting some bass in your face if you want.
He may have been a bit harsh on Hannah for being so easy to fool at Tribal Council. After all, she likes to talk about butts. Also, she didSurvivorhistory by dethroning Eliza Orlins and robbing her of the title of most comically indecisive judge of all time. Seriously, you know you've been there a while when Jeff Probst has to watch from the sidelines to make sure you didn't die while voting.
It was a fitting and strange end to a glorious episode. And while our roundup is coming to an end, too, our coverage definitely isn't. Be sure to check out an exclusive deleted scene from the episode in the video player below. and it is not trueSurvivorfan can go without ourWeekly Q&A with General Host Jeff Probst. Also, if you want to hear that the contestant got fired first, check out our interview with Mari at 9:40am EST onweekly entertainmentRadio (SiriusXM, channel 105). and for moreSurvivorthings sent directly to you, follow me on twitter@DaltonRoss.
Alright, your turn. Get it on the message boards and I'll be back next week with another scoop of crunch!