When I met Harrison, he was the center of the party.
We met my sophomore year at the library and I made a joke about her name.
We quickly came together in many ways:
Our sense of humor;
Our life goals;
It was weird. And I was in love.
But now, after three years, it's different and not for the better.
My friend never wants to do anything.
It makes me crazyand I don't know what to do about it. I was wondering whyHe has changedso much, but the fact is I can't point to anything that I know of that made him go from a funny guy to a log on a log.
If I had to say exactly when this started, it would have been about eight months ago. A little less dating, less commitment,less interested in thingsthat's what we did.
Now I'm wondering if the guy is going catatonic or something. He went from my young Harrison Ford to my Harrison Bored.
Anyway, I wrote this list to help women in relationships who are worried their boyfriends never want to do anything.
I'm going to list 14 of the top causes of a boring boyfriend, followed by 7 solutions.
My boyfriend never wants to do anything: what the hell is going on?
Here are the top 14 causes and warning signs of a bored boyfriend. One or many of these may apply to your situation.
It really sucks to date a guy and catch feelings only to have him deactivate like a tired robot after a year or two (or even less time). That is why I find these causes and warning signs so important.
And it's also important to know what to do if your friend never wants to do anything, so I've listed the best solutions below as well.
1) He's going through drama
Men tend to switch off when faced with difficult things.
When there is an illnessHis family, problems with friends or any other drama that crops up could explain why you are sitting all the time now. There is another side to this too. It's the fact that a lot of guys don't want to burden their girls with their problems.
It makes them feel weak, vulnerable, or in some way less desirable, so they usually choose to lock everything up and play video games or stare at the floor a lot.
Dealing with emotional things is very draining and could sap your energy and make you seem distant.
Relationship expert Nick Bastion says:
"The first step is to just recognize that when a man has something on his mind, he just needs some time off to think about it. There is no time limit. Take the time it takes. And when do they have that downtime? When they're not working...
It doesn't do you any harm if you have to deal with your thoughts/problems/worries in your free time. That doesn't mean he doesn't care about you or that you aren't a priority. It just means you're not at work, where it's crucial for you to be focused, and you need to put your mind to work or you'll go insane."(Video) 10 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Love You (Even If You Think They Do)
2) He's tired of your friends.
Being super close to someone is an exciting experience, but some couples really go overboard.
If you go everywhere together and his friends are his friends now, then it could happen that he gets tired of spending so much time with his friends, hearing from them and basically pretending that he likes them.
You need to make sure your life and his are separate in some way, including your own friends and activities that you both enjoy.
Your boyfriend may seem boring to you because he's trying to play his own independence, but he feels you won't understand and keeps it to himself.
3) You treat him like a friend, not a lover
Men must have theirsHero instinct unleashed. They also need to feel spoken to, valued, and slightly challenged by you.
It's possible to make your friend more than just a friend without even realizing it.
I came to see that this is part of the problem between me and Harrison. We still have physical intimacy and some couple vibes, but in various ways I've started treating him like a friend or mate instead of a man I love.possibly marry one day.
And I think that he felt more like he was just my boyfriend or something, which made him not want to do as many things with me and spend so much time with me anymore.
4) lack of romance
Eventually the romance faded for Harrison and I.
If I had to name one of the main reasons, it's probably because our schedules are completely at odds with each other. However, other problems can also arise.
If your friend never wants to do anything, it may be because of thatRomance is missing. Arelose attraction for each otheror experience oneRomance breakup for a reasonor another. And it turns him off and frustrates you like hell.
This is a sign of a deeper relationship issue that needs to be addressed. When the romance fades, it's a red flag situation.
"I'm not a particularly romantic person, so romance always seems a bit forced to me. But if you and your partner were a loving couple who used to shower each other with roses, and now those genuine gestures suddenly feel wrong, it could be because you no longer have a romantic interest in each other.
5) He's sick of your face
Spending time with someone you love is obviously amazing.
But even the best things can go stale and when he starts taking you for granted it's usually because he doesn't value you that much and thinks he can't lose you.
No matter how much you are in love, it is possible that your boyfriendFeeling of tightness and lack of space. He may still love you very much, but get tired of spending all of his time together and feeling like you're always on top of each other.
This is especially true if you live together, where spending time alone and feeling like you have your own space is harder.
6) He's mad at you
Boys tend to be more outspoken but can become passive-aggressive at times. I've seen that darker side of Harrison come out after a year together, and now he's letting me walk on eggshells.
Instead of just saying what's wrong, he frowns and comments on other small issues.
He's obviously mad at me. Your boy might tease you too.
7) It's just the end of the honeymoon phase
Relationships often have a honeymoon phase for the first few months, which wears off as you get to know each other better and the initial excitement dies down a bit.
I don't doubt your judgment or the difficult time you're going through, but it's possible that thethe honeymoon period has just come to an endand that means your man is less keen on spending all his time with you and being your constant companion.
The end of the honeymoon period doesn't have to mean the end of your relationship. But it usually means a noticeable decrease in the time you spend together and your interest in activities.
8) He is sexually bored
Things can go very well in many other ways, but if you're not happy below the belt, it can all go to waste.
It's not necessarily your faultHe's not excited in the bedroomobvious, and putting the burden on women is misogynistic nonsense.
But if this problem persists then there needs to be some communication and you might want to cheer him up a bit in the bedroom and get his libido roaring like a lion again.
If you want some tips, here they are7 ways to bring back the sexual spark in your relationshipRecommended by Gina Vivinetto.
9) You feel pressured
Reverse psychology may not always work, but it's true up to a point.
When you're after your boyand making him feel like you depend on him to be happy and fulfilled will usually put him off a bit.
If he's feeling pressured and expected to spend more time with you or go to activities and events together, his first instinct will be to find a way to back off on commitments or make it clear that he isn't is so interested.
If he feels like you depend on him to make your life worth living, he will feel restless and uncomfortable.
don't be that girl
10) You don't enjoy what you do
Part of the reason my boyfriend never wants to do anything is because I tried to get him too involved in the same things I was.
As I said, from the moment we met, we had similar interests, values, and goals. But we didn't really love doing the same things.
I like going to the pub with friends, Harrison prefers simple meals at home. I like walking, Harrison prefers adventure sports like rafting and hang gliding.
We've tried each other's favorite pastimes, but cliff jumping isn't really for me. And I know that for him, going for a walk or going to the pub is not his thing.
This could also apply to your husband - he just doesn't enjoy many of the same activities as you.
It can really hurt, to say the least. It can make you question the whole relationship.
11) He is retiring to deal with mental health issues
We all go through difficult times, and in some situations, your friend may be dealing with some really serious personal psychological challenges.
Some of the most common are anxiety and depression, but you could also struggle with paranoia, dissociation, severe mood swings, obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD), anorexia, and more.
Lori Gottlieb wrote about it in Atlantic andyour words are really on point:
"I love him very much and plan to spend the rest of my life with him, but I don't know how to live with the feeling that bottom could come out at any moment. You try to get help, but you refuse to take medication or follow a plan to get better for a long time. I'm so scared that this will always be his life: a constant roller coaster ride ruled by depression. I want so much more for him and for us."
He may not want to tell you what's going on because he's afraid you'll leave him or lose attraction.
It's a tough subject to deal with in a relationship, but it can definitely be one of the main reasons he's withdrawing.
12) He feels misunderstood by you
Nobody will understand another person 100%. Because each of us is ourselves and we see and feel the world in different ways due to many different factors.
But if your friend feels that a fundamental bond of connection and understanding is broken or missing, then this can be one of the main issues that makes him stop doing things with you.
There are many examples of what can cause this.
For example, he may feel that you don't care enough about the issues in his life and career, or he may think that your interests and emotional responses to his life are superficial and it makes him feel angry and alone.
13) He feels like you don't value him enough
Hero instinct is a great thing, and so is basic appreciation.
When your guy feels ignored or belittled, it can cause him to shrink into his shell like a tired turtle and seek out other people who seem to care more about him.
Showing appreciation for your friend doesn't mean being over the top or being affectionate, it's just giving them a little appreciation, thanks, and love from time to time.
When he feels valued, he opens up andwould like to do something together; when he doesn't feel appreciated, he withdraws and hides.
14) The relationship is over for him
I certainly hope that's not what's going on with your boyfriend, but it could be.
Maybe you want to quit but don't know how or are too scared to get things done. Yeshe is hidingGo out and be a recluse who never wants to do anything with you, that could behe doesn't want to be with you anymore.
It hurts a lot to think about it, but it could be true and you should at least consider the possibility lest it totally surprise you.when he breaks up with you.
What to do if your boyfriend never wants to do anything
1) Ask him what's going on.
Nothing else can replace communication.
If your man shuts down and doesn't want to do anything else, then you should do your best to talk to him calmly and maturely.
Try to be subtle, sex and relationship writers.Carolyn Steber advises, and finds that simply asking how her day went is a good way to do it.
"Go ahead and ask your SO about her day. Do they respond by pointing out the great weather and the amazing burrito they had for lunch? Or do they complain that everything is terrible?
The thing about this is that guys in general don't like to talk about their feelings or what's wrong with them, so there's a good chance he'll block you.
Here we come to number two:
2) Try to see his POV
Strong emotions can blind us, both positive and negative.
Try to understand your friend's point of view. This does not require you to be given a free pass or always be agreed to when in doubt. It's just about seeing the world through their eyes.
If he doesn't communicate with you much or at all, try your best to think about the situation he's in and how it might be affecting him.
Have you recently lost your job or had a labor dispute?
Did you have drama with an ex?
Are you worried about your health?
Have you argued or argued about your future plans?
3) Try something new with him
Sometimes all it takes is one new thing you can do together to break the deadlock.
There are many stimulantsnew activities to trywith your friend.
If you're both tired from work, how about a new TV series?
do you both love food Take a cooking class together or just try out new recipes at one of your locations (or your location, singular if you live together).
How about an impromptu road trip to a place your friend used to talk about? Do it!
Think about these activities.as ways to reconnect and have it open to you again.
4) Remain as calm as possible
Try to remain as calm as possible in your communication and relationship with your friend.
It's easy to take this type of situation personally and then blow it up, but their behavior may have nothing to do with you. Therefore, you must approach it with caution, respect, and calm.
Yes, you must let him know there is a problem. But you don't have to yell in his ears or bring all the drama.
5) Accept what you cannot change
If there is a situation or a change in the relationship that has caused your friend to withdraw and not want to hang out with you anymore, then it is important that you accept what you cannot change.
In other words: him.
You may be able to talk to them, influence them, or help them, but you cannot make them a different person or change their position in their life.
Trying to change your boyfriend is a losing game that will only result in you becoming extremely frustrated and making him withdraw even more than he was in the beginning.
6) Be honest with yourself
You could be in a codependent relationship. I'm probably with Harrison.
At first we were basically evened out with how much we chased each other, but now, after three years, I'm always just me.
I write, call, encourage, comfort. He does… well, basically nothing.
It's not cool and if you're not honest with yourself you'll probably end up suffering needlessly for months and years.
don't calm down
When your relationship is completely one-sidedSo I have to ask you: Where is your self-esteem and self-love?
Never pour your heart and soul into something for nothing. You will burn and your heart will be broken.
7) Separate if necessary
Now we come to the sad ending and the final decision that blows everything up.
A breakup is hard, but sometimes it just has to happen.
When you've done all you canand your husband is still sitting there with a blank expression on his face, so what else are you supposed to do?
if he wants you backor has an explanation of what was going on, he can follow you up. But your wait is over.
If you want a second, less definitive breakup option, consider a conscious breakup and a few months off and consider how he's doing after that time.
Can a relationship coach help you too?
If you want specific advice about your situation, speaking to a relationship counselor can be very helpful.
I know this from my own experience...
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It cannot create all the skills and actions that are needed to keep a relationship healthy. You can be in love and still want different things from life, have communication issues, and be on different emotional maturity levels. All of these are real-life dilemmas.At what point is love not enough? ›
Couples also need to regularly express their feelings — good or bad — and should avoid sweeping things under the rug. Love is not enough if there's no companionate idea for conjugality, one where both partners can freely express their love through (among other things) communication, sharing, and emotional closeness.How do you know a guy is not serious about you? ›
- They told you they weren't interested in something serious.
- You're clearly not their priority.
- They've deliberately never introduced you to their friends or family.
- They refuse to talk about the future.
Talk to him. Making assumptions can be confusing when your boyfriend stops making an effort. Instead, sit him down and let him know how you feel. Make him feel comfortable enough to tell you the truth about his actions and be open-minded.Is love enough to keep us together? ›
The media tells us that love is more than enough in relationships. But the truth is, love isn't always enough of a reason to stay in a relationship. Don't get us wrong: loving someone, or caring deeply for them, is a wonderful thing, but it's a feeling that can also make a relationship complicated.Why is just love not enough? ›
Love is obviously the soul of a relationship, but love alone is not enough to keep a relationship healthy. Compatibility, communication, trust, physical compatibility, and maturity play a major role in a healthy relationship.What is the hardest stage of love? ›
The first year of the relationship is the hardest stage, and even when you're living together, you still discover new things about each other every day. How to Survive: The key to getting past the discovery stage is also discovery. The discovery of your partner's imperfections and your imperfections as well.Can a man love 2 woman equally? ›
“A man may be able to emotionally commit and attach himself to two women at the same time. However, in most cases, a woman will not be able to do the same. Women are emotionally inclined to attach and commit differently than men. Unlike men, women practice and pursue exclusivity in romance,” he says.What is enough in a relationship? ›
The “Good Enough” Relationship
In a good enough relationship, people have high expectations for how they're treated. They expect to be treated with kindness, love, affection, and respect. They do not tolerate emotional or physical abuse. They expect their partner to be loyal.
- He Does Not Contact You As Much Anymore. ...
- He Does Not Want You To Meet His Friends. ...
- He Spends Too Much Time On His Phone. ...
- He Has New Grooming Routines. ...
- He Does Not Want To Talk About The Future. ...
- He Checks Out Other Women. ...
- There Is A “Girl-Bestfriend” ...
- He Does Not Call You His Significant Other.
- He hasn't mentioned anything about wanting to be in a relationship. ...
- He dodges or brushes off any conversations about defining the relationship. ...
- He's pretty vague about what he's looking for. ...
- He says he "doesn't do labels."
- Realize that he doesn't love you anymore. The hardest step is realizing that he doesn't love you anymore. ...
- Reflect on your needs. ...
- Be an individual. ...
- Love yourself first. ...
- Strengthen your beauty and inner peace. ...
- Eliminate hope. ...
- Be strong. ...
- Fall back in love.
- Focus on your own self-worth. ...
- Remind your partner why they were attracted to you from the start. ...
- Make an effort to understand your partner's needs. ...
- Communicate what you're feeling.
- Have a “day/night out” every week.
- Be creative and decorate a room together.
- Prepare a nice dinner at home.
- Make a gift for your partner.
- Enjoy each other's company with a glass of wine or iced tea.
- Leave Post-Its around the house telling your partner you love him/her/them.
Trust. One of the most important parts of a relationship is to trust one another completely. You have to be able to trust that they won't stray and you trust them with your feelings. You have to trust each other enough to be vulnerable on an emotional and physical level, too.What is the 20 rule of love? ›
But can the law of attraction be boiled down to a formula? The 80/20 relationship theory states that you can only get about 80% of your wants and needs from a healthy relationship, while the remaining 20% you need to provide for yourself.Can you be in a relationship without love? ›
Relationships can last without love. However, they're not likely to be healthy relationships. If you find yourself thinking, “I just don't love this person,” you may be wondering what to do next. If the person you're with feels the same way, you have the decision to make.What happens if you lack love? ›
Feeling Unhappy or Unmotivated
People lacking love therefore feel more depressed. This triggers a range of core beliefs such as worthlessness, or a negative outlook on life. Overtime, we become less motivated to complete tasks, set goals or prioritize our self-care.
Communication issues and unrealistic expectations are two of the main reasons people find themselves falling out of love. But there are things that can be done to stop the fall. Relationships are hard work; they should be viewed as investments, particularly if there is a marriage.What is a true love? ›
True love is a unique and passionate bond that connects you as a couple that wants the best for the other person regardless of what that means for them. It is the foundation for a healthy, loving relationship. True love is authentic and genuine.
This is backed up by Marissa Harrison, a psychologist from Pennsylvania State University who thinks that women are much more cautious when it comes to love, while men tend to fall in love harder and faster. Studies show that a man's requirements to fall in love are significantly less stringent than those of a woman.What are the 5 bonding stages for a man? ›
Appreciation, infatuation, attraction, impression, and conviction are the 5 bonding stages for a man.What's the hardest month in a relationship? ›
The hardest months in a relationship usually arrive after the departure of the first relationship phase, the Honeymoon phase. This is the phase where everything seems perfect, your partner seems like a person you can spend the rest of your life with, and there are plenty of hormones and love flowing around everywhere.How will I know he loves me? ›
Many times, the true signs are in the little things like his body language, the way he prioritizes you, or when he goes out of his way to try to make you happy. Other signs he loves you are that he asks for your opinion on things and he says nice things about you.Can a man cheat and still love his wife? ›
Here, experts explain this phenomenon and dispel other popular cheating myths. Fact #1: Most men are still in love with their wives when they cheat. Men who cheat haven't fallen out of love; they've become unsatisfied with the current state of it.What makes a man choose one woman over the other? ›
Sexual compatibility is one of the top reasons a man chooses a woman over another. Many men prefer a woman that matches their sexual styles. These styles may include her moves, the way she kisses, the way she dresses, and so on.
Passionate love feels like instant attraction with a bit of nervousness. It's the "feeling of butterflies in your stomach,"Lewandowski says. "It's an intense feeling of joy, that can also feel a bit unsure because it feels so strong."What keeps relationship going? ›
You communicate openly and honestly. Good communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people know what they want from the relationship and feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, it can increase trust and strengthen the bond between you.How do you know if a relationship is working? ›
- You're Not Afraid to Speak Up. ...
- Trust Is at the Core of the Relationship. ...
- You Know Each Other's Love Language. ...
- You Agree to Disagree on Certain Issues. ...
- You Encourage Each Other to Go After Your Goals. ...
- You and Your Partner Hold Separate Interests. ...
- You're Comfortable in Your Own Skin.
- He always has plans but never with you.
- He is overprotective about his phone.
- He is inconsistent with you.
- He doesn't discuss future plans with you.
- You don't exist in his social media anymore.
- He is still using dating apps.
- Communication with him has broken down.
Though determining whether he is cheating or not can be difficult, here are some signs he just slept with someone else to look out for: He becomes overprotective of his phone, he displays aggravated behavior, he spends more time outside the house, he keeps depriving you of sex with him, he smells different from how he ...How do you know if he's sleeping with someone else? ›
- An unusually busy schedule.
- Frequent nights out.
- Your partner has been hiding things.
- Your partner is in a relationship with their phone.
- A marked change in demeanor.
- Talking on the phone privately.
- Smelling different.
- Your partner seems aloof and distant.
For many people who are holding onto someone who doesn't love them, they are doing so because they are scared. They are scared of how their person will react if they leave. They are scared of the words of anger, that they might hear. They are afraid things might get physical.How do you tell someone doesn't want to be with you anymore? ›
- #1 You Put in Most of the Effort. ...
- #2 They Actively Avoid Connecting Deeply with You. ...
- #3 They don't ask about you. ...
- #4 They Stop Reaching Out or Making Plans. ...
- #5 They Regularly Cancel Plans. ...
- #6 They Make Excuses.
- Acknowledge the truth of the situation. ...
- Identify relationship needs — and deal breakers. ...
- Accept what the love meant to you. ...
- Look to the future. ...
- Prioritize other relationships. ...
- Spend time on yourself. ...
- Give yourself space. ...
- Understand it may take some time.
- Evaluate the problem. ...
- Communicate. ...
- Know what you want. ...
- Focus on yourself. ...
- Love yourself more. ...
- Take care of yourself. ...
- Ask more questions. ...
- Listen to your partner.
- 'How can I make this better? ' ...
- 'I appreciate you' 'I think we'd probably all agree that it's extremely easy to take our partners for granted in our day to day lives,' she continues. ...
- 'I was wrong'
- Work on yourselves as individuals first. In order to save and strengthen a relationship, both partners need to do their own inner work. ...
- Fight better. ...
- Express gratitude for the little things. ...
- Savor your time together. ...
- Do monthly check-ins. ...
- Celebrate each other. ...
- Stay curious about your partner.
Accepting, acknowledging, and appreciating your man for the person he is, helps build a strong bond of love, care, and respect. Working on improving your own skillset while giving them their own personal space, would keep them eager and confident to reach back to you.Why do I feel my boyfriend is not interested in me? ›
A loss of interest in sex can be caused by stress, health issues, low self-esteem, or mental health issues. Your boyfriend may also be avoiding sex because of relationship problems, or he may be feeling stuck in a rut.
In some cases, your sudden loss of interest in your partner could be the result of your discovering you both have different values or goals. When you feel this way, you may want to talk to your partner about it and think about whether or not you still want to stay in a relationship with them.What bores a man in a relationship? ›
1 He wants space. 2 He's not ready for a serious relationship. 3 He's tired of little arguments. 4 He needs some positive reinforcement.What is the boring stage of a relationship? ›
A boring relationship is often characterized by a loss of interest, affection, and attention. Being comfortable in your relationship is a good thing—but boredom can signify that things need to change.Do guys get bored of their girlfriends? ›
Some guys gets bored within few years, some in few months, and some in few days. But Always remember, if anyone gets bored with you no matter how much time you have spent with each other, just leave that guy. There is no chance that one gets bored with the person he is in love with.Can you love someone but the relationship doesn't work? ›
It's a possibility. Sometimes two people could be in love but their opinions and goals in life don't align. When you want absolutely different things, being in love may not save the relationship. It doesn't mean you disrespect their choices; you just don't see a future with them.Do you have to be in love to make a relationship work? ›
But contrary to popular belief, love is not all you need. Relationships take a lot more than love to keep them going and love alone won't keep a couple together. Successful relationships take a lot of work to keep both people happy and healthy.What is the main reason relationships don't work? ›
Non-acceptance, lack of trust, and poor communication will kill any relationship. The good news is that you can avoid these common killers of relationships by identifying them when they come up, looking within, and committing to doing the hard work required to make your relationship last.What are the reasons why relationships don't work? ›
- Trust Issues. The lack or loss of trust is one of the most harmful impediments to a couple's long-term success. ...
- Different Expectations. ...
- Moving Through Life at Different Speeds. ...
- Communication Issues. ...
- Life Habit Abuse. ...
- Sense of Growing Apart. ...
- Financial Issues.
Do you both care more about the relationship than about being right? Or do you struggle with communication, hold onto resentment, and feel like every fight could be the end of the relationship? If your closeness doesn't bounce back after arguments, you might be forcing the connection.How do you know if a relationship is not going to work? ›
Conflicts that drag on for months, arguments that go around in circles, fights that don't lead to more empathy, intimacy or better solutions — these are all signs that something is fundamentally dysfunctional in the relationship.
If you're not sharing what's really on your mind, it might be a sign that you no longer want a deep connection. Similarly, if you've found that the usual fun banter between you is gone, or it's difficult to have engaging conversations, your bond could be getting weaker.What's the 3 most important things in a relationship? ›
All healthy relationships share the following three core components: Mutual respect. Mutual trust. Mutual affection.What is it called when you love someone but don t want to be with them? ›
Unrequited love involves having strong romantic feelings toward another person who does not feel the same way. It is a one-sided experience that can leave people with feelings of pain, grief, and shame.Why can't I feel love in a relationship? ›
Low self-esteem can cause feelings of repulsion toward love or relationships. If you do not feel attractive, valuable, or loveable, you may subconsciously feel that others will not see you in this way. Low self-esteem can be improved through self-care and practices that increase self-compassion, like meditation.What to do when relationship is not working? ›
- TALK TO EACH OTHER. The first step to improving any relationship is effective communication: ...
- TALK TO OTHERS. ...
- ACKNOWLEDGE YOUR DIFFERENCES. ...
- EDUCATE YOURSELF. ...
- CONSIDER GOING BACK TO SCHOOL.
The most common reasons people say they fall out of love are a loss of physical intimacy, a loss of trust, a loss of feeling loved, emotional pain, often driven by grief over feeling lonely, and negative views of oneself (poor self-image, feeling like a failure) driven by feeling rejected by a partner.When most relationships fail? ›
Studies have shown that relationships generally end within 3 to 5 months from the day they begin.Why do bipolar relationships fail? ›
A bipolar person may avoid relationships because they don't feel good enough for other people. Sometimes these feelings come on quickly and cause those with mental health conditions to push away others in existing relationships. This can lead to social isolation.